The story telling sounds very good. Great pauses and dynamic voice.
Good immediate topic starts
Very friendly, engaging
What needs more attention…
You have to get to your real point very quickly, within seconds of your open. There is still too much winding in.
When telling a story, it’s even more important to stay on point. Keep it really tight. Single focus.
Add as many of your own experiences in as you can. Not usually first in the topic, but to help back up your point. It’s more important to be experience based than theory based.
Excellent point about a 13 year old Kenyan girl being very American. But it’s 10 minutes in to your segment!
GREAT start to the story of the 5 people who helped the shot Canadian soldier. But it went from “five people who would run toward bullets” to 3 minutes on comforting each other. A good lesson to keep a story tight and on a single track…
The self sushi topic never really got started. it was too much about you and the 99 cent store, etc. Even when you got to your point, I couldn’t really understand it.